On Final Words (Haiku)

We say, rest in peace
A deeper, fuller statement
Would be, go in peace

My Lot in Life (Haiku)

I feel all alone

I am not living alone

Yet I feel alone

(This summarizes eight pages of notes about my current situation.)

Murphy Said (Haiku)

You must be prepared
If it can happen it will
A word to the wise

One can prevent it
One can insure against it
One can accept it

One not feasible
The other may cost too much
Enter Saint Francis

Forever We Have and Will (Haiku)

We did what we must
With what was available
Whenever that was

We do what we must
With what is available
Whenever that is

We will do it all
With what is available
This is what we do

Character Study of Robert in Long Ago and Far Away

Howdy, I'm Robert Deaton and a frequent visitor to Sparks store.  You may want to know a little more about me since I'm appearing in my nephew's play, Long Ago and Far Away, Another Day at Sparks.

I’m 68 years old, born in December of 1948.  My parents lived up in a hollow not far from Sebastians Branch in Breathitt County, Kentucky.  I went to school in Breathitt County and graduated from high school there in 1966.  I went to work for the county as a surveyor in Jackson and spent my working days doing that until I retired a few years ago.

My travels have not taken me far from Breathitt and Perry Counties, as a matter of fact I don’t think I spent a night anywhere else except for the time I was in the Army.  

I joined in 1968 and wound up stationed at Fort Campbell Kentucky for the duration of my time.  I was in the base maintenance crew doing surveying work for base construction projects.  I was honorably discharged in 1972 and came home to Breathitt County.  I continued to work for the county.

I married Martha Bolling on September 9, 1974 and we set up housekeeping in Jackson, where we lived until I retired in 2003.  We then moved to Perry County and bought a place outside of Buckhorn where we continue to live today.  We celebrated out 44th wedding anniversary this year.  We belong to the Buckhorn Presbyterian church and regularly attend services there.

We have two children, Mordecai and Ruth.  Both are now married and we have four grandchildren, two from each of our kids.  Mordecai works for the campground in grounds maintenance and Ruth is a nurse in Jackson at the Kentucky River Medical Center.  She took more to studying than Mordecai.

Nowadays I spend a lot of time at Sparks store in Buckhorn.  I go there to pass the time of day with people who come through.  The store is run by Fred.  Two other “regulars” there are a one-legged guy, named Dale, and an eccentric sort of fellow, named Cash.  There are others who float in and out from time to time.

The action takes place on a typical day at the store; it's about 2 PM on a day in June.

Recognition (Haiku)

Seek recognition
For what you are now doing
Not for what you've done

Shakespeare (Haiku)

Midsummer's Night Dream
The stakes are high, life and death
All must be resolved

Fairy king and queen
And six rude mechanicals
One mischievous imp

I love her, no her
They both love me how could they
I don't believe this

The imp strikes low blows
Oberon must save them all
Even the ass' head

Then Duke marries Queen
As do the pairs of lovers
They live happily

The Night is over
We awaken from our dream
Fall is upon us

Life Goes On (Haiku)

Boots astride a horse
Black, shined and  worn so proudly
Over jumps and course

Now stride on the stage
Costume for a Shakespeare play
Still worn so proudly

A market, a hat
In Badgastein Austria
Nineteen eighty-four

A bar and a hat
Short film entitled Last Call
Two thousand eighteen

Our accouterments
Go with us as props through life
Getting new meanings

As it is in life
Unforeseen opportunities
Bring out tried and true

Life (Haiku)

Participation
The two most important acts
And procreation

A Simple Eulogy for Joseph (Bill) Bertagna

My wife's brother-in-law, and my friend, died on June 28, 2018; he was 77 years old.  He married my wife's sister more than 50 years ago.  They had, and raised, three children who have since gone on to be successful adults with children of their own.  He had a successful life as a fireman in Saint Louis County and a family man.

From the first time it happened, whenever we encountered each other after being apart for a while, one would offer his hand to the other as if to shake it, then when the other reached out for it, the one would raise his hand to his brow as if to brush back a wisp of hair, leaving the other empty-handed. 

Sometimes he was the one, sometimes the other.  It was quite a game that went on for years because we didn't see each other all that often.  I'll miss him.

Bartenders Know It (Haiku)

All right Doctor Spock
No need for analysis
Just listen to me

Not looking for help
No need to be involv ed
Let me vent my plight

I'll figure it out
All by myself, I am sure
Just listen to me

Character Study: Egeus of A Midsummer Night's Dream

Hello, my name is Egeus.  I am 48 years old and a citizen of Athens Greece in the current year (for me) and I rather like living here in this area.

My wife died several years ago, leaving me with four daughters; the youngest of which was still quite young at the time.  The older daughters were already grown and out of the house.  Sadly we didn’t have much contact with them because they married young men who were conscripted to fight in the army and away most of the time.  There is no animosity or ill-will among the family members, we simply don’t spend a lot of time together.

My youngest, Hermia, was only 8 when her mother died.  Since we were the surviving two in the household, I brought in servants to take over the household duties and a governess to tutor and attend to the needs of Hermia as she grew up.  Hermia is now 16 and in the prime years of her eligibility for marriage.

It is my responsibility as a father to see to it that she has a suitable mate, a man with whom I feel comfortable.  One who will fit into the existing family structure and who would be a good steward for the family fortunes, as are the spouses of my other daughters.  I have found such a man in Demetrius.

The family fortunes are not monumental but rather sufficient for the needs of all of them.  They will have to do their part in increasing those fortunes for their offspring.

We live in Athens, in quarters that are rather simple and functional.  Outside of the city, I own a villa and farm lands that are tended by hired people, most of whom live in a village not far away.  There are a couple of housemaids who live at the villa.

The villa has several rooms around an atrium and pool.  There are livestock, gardens, and an orchard for necessary food, and vineyards that allow us to make and enjoy good wine.  As with other produce, our grapes are of one variety and we trade with others to allow all concerned to enjoy the different produce.

I like so spend as much time as I can at the villa because Athens is crowded and, quite frankly, stinks.  I must spend enough time there to attend to political and business matters as I protect my interests.  Otherwise I am at the villa for the majority of the time.

There have been, for the past several years, some problems with Hermia.  She, being without a mother and without the influence of her older sisters, has developed a rather headstrong attitude towards the conventions that are in place.   This is something of a nuisance to me. 

Just yesterday, I was relaxing by the pool, being fed grapes by my favorite housemaid, when Hermia pops in and says she wants to marry Lysander.  She was very saucy about it and, I think, disrespectful.  It irks me to no end to have to put up with this since she is the last of the four and I am rather looking forward to the peace and quiet of the country when the house is finally empty of children and I am able to keep myself occupied as I see fit.

We had a very difficult discussion about this and she is unwilling to let it go.  She insists upon continuing to see Lysander and even to marry him instead of Demetrius.

Well, I’ve had enough of it.  Duke Theseus will be here tomorrow, victoriously home from a battle with the Amazons and bringing with him the queen of the Amazons to be his bride.  I will find an appropriate moment and publicly notify all that Hermia will either abide my will or be put to death.

I must admit I haven’t thought this all the way through.  Death is an extremely unfortunate outcome for her but there are other things to consider.

If she successfully defies my will, others will take encouragement from that and could do it to their fathers; then my reputation will be tarnished as a strong citizen.  There are many who will criticize me for having her put to death and many more who would criticize me for allowing her to have her way.  

I can only hope for the best outcome, which would be for her to marry Demetrius and let life go on.  We’ll see what the Duke has to say.

The Game (Haiku)

Sitting here, eyes closed
Needs currently satisfied
Ready for what's next

A pawn in the game
Moved by those in other worlds
The spiritual

Oh, I have my needs
Reminded by appetities
Sometimes distracted

But the game goes on
Moving on from here to there
A purpose fulfilled

Check mate!

Ps: This was originally posted on "John Lina" but it is more appropriately included in the "By John Lina" blog

Spiritual Curiosity (Haiku)

Open not that door
Some doors aren't to be opened
Better left closed

Open the wrong door
You may not close it again
Or you can't close it

Walk into a room
There's a party going on
But it's not your kind

Now you can not leave
The shenanigans are gross
Those there have you trapped

Which is worse for us
To be forever tainted
Or simply not know

Sayonara baby!

Reflections (Haiku)

Sitting in traffic
One of the seven billion
One car in the jam

Sitting in traffic
One of the seven billion
One person alive

Sitting in traffic
Looking to the left and right
Completely unique

Paradoxical
So many yet only one
There is no other

Whatcha Doin'? (Haiku)

Lifetime elapses
Whether or not you do it
Whatever it is.

Not having done it
May become disappointment
Be sure to do it.

Having done some things
You may wind up with regret
So be sure not to.

Decisions to do
All tempered by good judgement
Mostly turn out well.

Those from rash action
Causing beaucoup de problems
Often turn out bad.

Proceed with caution
Before your life is over
Do rather than not.

Doing anything
Is preferable to nil
Forgiveness is there.

Peace of Mind (Haiku)

When I am doing
What I am supposed to do
I feel happier

The difficulty
Lies in finding that which I
Am supposed to do

A Rose Is a Rose (Haiku)

Some people you know

Are like a large rose garden

Some flowers, many thorns

Enjoy the flowers

But be careful of the thorns

Admire from afar

Advice Reflection (Haiku)

The best I can do
Is to take my own advice
And not forget it

It is there for me
Often in these Haiku lines
The wisdom of verse

Change my behavior
Change to be more pleasant
Change my attitude

Only Joking (Haiku)

(Respect is defined as a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.)

Saying it in jest
A way to show disrespect
Say it not in jest

(Disingenuous has synonyms: dishonest, untruthful, false, deceitful duplicitous lying, mendacious, hypocritical.)

What is said in jest
Masks that which is truly meant
Disingenuous

Taking many forms
Potshots at authority
Appears innocent

Hiding true feelings
Can't say what I really mean
So I'll send a barb

In our heart of hearts
When you say only joking
We hear disrespect

Character Study- Bill Fordham in August, Osage County

“Barbara's estranged husband and Jean's father, age 49. A college professor, has left his wife for a younger woman named Cindy, one of his students, but wants to be there for his family. His marriage is disintegrating and his patience is slowly running thin.”

This little snippet doesn’t quite tell the tale, although it is factually correct.

I was born in Saint Louis Missouri in 1969, after the strife and unsettled time of the 60’s.  My childhood in the 70’s was unremarkable as was the whole decade.

I went to school in the archdiocesan system there; parochial grade school and Catholic High School.  Since my parents weren’t all that well off, I went to South East Missouri State College in Cape Girardeau and finished with  Master’s and Doctor’s Degrees from the University in Columbia, Mo.  I immediately started teaching in the college and became an associate professor and finally a professor of Education at the University of Missouri-Saint Louis.

I met Barbara at a conference in Tulsa Oklahoma in1993, we were mutually attracted to each other right away.  It was a relatively fast courtship and marriage.  I noticed that her family was a bit on the eccentric side but she was considerably cool headed and sane.  We married in Oklahoma in 1995 and came back to live in Saint Louis County where I was now a tenured professor.

In 2015, when at age 46, I suddenly discovered that I was quite attractive to the younger females on campus.  They devised all sorts of fun little schemes to find themselves alone with me and often had their way with me.  I was a willing victim (?) and the, what I thought of as, peccadillos were many and often.

Then came along Cindy.  She was mature for her age and unfortunately for Barbara, we fell in love and I announced it to her and to the world.  Barbara and I split up immediately and now we are in the process of getting a divorce.  Cindy and I are living together in a small apartment near the school.

I received word from Barbara’s sister Karen that Beverly, Barbara’s father was missing in action and feared, perhaps, dead.  She thought it would be nice if I went to Oklahoma to be there with Barbara since it hasn’t been all that long since we split up and she, Karen, thought that Barbara would need some moral support.  I think highly of Barbara, still love her and want to be there for her if she needs me.  So I went.

Barbara’s mother, Violet, is the mother of the Weston family, aged 65. Undergoing treatment for oral cancer, she is addicted to several prescription drugs, mostly depressants and narcotics. The family's focus is keeping her clean. Despite her drug-induced episodes, she is sharp-tongued and shrewd; she is aware of the family's many secrets and not hesitant to reveal them for her own benefit.  She is Barbara’s nemesis and has an unwholesome influence on her.

The moment before this episode takes place, I have been re-reading a book of Beverly’s poems.  I close the book and say…

Character Study for Francis Hardy, Faith Healer

I am standing here before a full length mirror.  I am addressing an imaginary audience for whom I have performed acts of Faith Healing.  I am drunk and know that soon I'll be in the throes of death after a somewhat long life of 68 years; the past 30 or so years an alcoholic blur.  

I must say I never opened a performance, yes that’s what I called them, in a state of inebriation but I drank as soon as I came off the stage and until I could no longer stay awake.  And so it has gone on for a long time.  I had my reasons for it but even I am not sure of all of them.

My parents were carnival people, they had several shticks over the years and retired into oblivion after they wore out.  I was part of the act when I was little; then things began to change.

In one town, we were there at the same time as a tent revival was going on, on the other side of town.  Our crowds were the same people on different nights.

I went to the revival and caught the spirit of it into my very soul.  It was shortly after that when I did my first laying on of hands.   It was for one of the carnival people who’d come down with some sort of malady.

Word of my feat spread around the carny and it wasn’t long before I made my debut on a platform during a revival meeting.  I left the carnival, and my parents, shortly after that and made it on my own from donations given by appreciative people who were healed.

It wasn’t long before I was my own headliner; the signs said, “The Fantastic Francis Hardy.  Faith Healer.  One night only.”  

The one night only allowed me to get out of town before anything went wrong, if my healing wasn’t permanent; although, I didn’t have to skedaddle very often.  To my own amazement, it worked almost all the time.  And so it has gone on for more than thirty years now. 

The constant moving around and lack of any sort of anchor in my life led me to turn to the bottle for company; even after or because I began associating with my girlfriend who later became my wife.  We had a time of it.  She and I had some bitter words for each other, then we’d get drunk and reset the relationship until the next time.

There was a third person in the company, Teddy the manager.  He was the advance man, the stage manager, and the business manager.  It was his effort that kept the show moving through the country-side; schedules, locations, permits, signs, and settling up afterwards.  It was he that dispelled doubts, even when the wife had hers.  The three of us did well, financially, and were bound together as if with iron straps, like it or not.

My presence here tonight is to set the record straight; to tell my story, my doubts, my fears, and my apprehension of what I do.  I’m not sure I understand it any more or less than anyone in the theater.  I know that I am facing the final curtain and I don’t want to leave without stating my case.

How do I know I’m going to die?  The same way I know that what I do is for real; I just do.  And I want everyone here to understand me a little better. 

I’ve been putting my healing hands on people since I was very young.  At first I didn’t question the results, they were there for all to see and experience.  Later I began to wonder what enabled me, why me, was it me or was it they who invoked some mysterious quality that they already had but didn’t know it.

In the final analysis it will be up to you, after hearing all sides, to decide about me.  And what we all know is that no matter what you decide, it doesn’t make any difference.  Those that were healed are healed; those that believe, believe; and in 50 years or so, no one will ever mention me again.  But I have to go knowing that others know that I am not a fake, a charlatan, or simply a performer.

So…

Character Study Aaron McKinney of The Laramie Project

(I am Aaron McKinney, convicted murderer of Matthew Shepard 10 years ago in Laramie Wyoming, now being visited in prison by Greg Pierotti of The Laramie Project.)

A little bit of personal history: my father was a hard worker and we had a comfortable life.  I was always a troublesome kid, stole things and generally messed up.  My brother is totally different.

My parents divorced and when my mom died in 1993, I got a big cash settlement from the case.  I didn't have a lot of supervision; I started to live the high life. 

From then on I was on the fringe of the law, dealing drugs and doing "odd" jobs.  I dealt drugs and got into a lot of trouble because I just don't care about anyone or anything except me.  

Now I live in a cell here in prison and have for the past 10 years.  I am allowed out of the cell for one hour every day, that's all.

 

At the trial I was found guilty of killing Matt Shepard.  I didn't know him before that night at the bar.  I knew he was a homosexual just by looking at him.  I didn't like him right away.  

We wanted to rob him because we were looking for someone to rob and he didn't look like someone who would give us a lot of trouble. I beat him with my pistol because I felt like it; I was mad at someone or something and I took it out on him.  I'm sorry but not for that.

Now I'm talking to Greg Pierotti and I'm not really sure who he is but what the heck, I'll talk to anybody.  He's asking me a lot of questions about the case and my feelings.

We've been talking for quite a while now and he's asking me some great questions.  Now he says Russell Henderson, my accomplice, told the court he was sorry but I didn't make a statement; he's asking me if I have remorse.

Character Study Steve Baker in The Good Wife

Steve Baker

My wife, Barbara, has a friend named Audrey who sells candles using a ladies’ day get together as a means.  They have a theme for the month.  She, Audrey, was called away at the last moment and my wife agreed to host the party at our house in her place.  Barbara is enthused about the candles and likes them so she didn’t want a month to go by without the party being held.

I have to get ready to go out to meet some friends of mine and this candle party is kind of getting in the way of that.  My friends expect me to be impeccably attired when we meet  They accept me no matter how I dress, although they can be quite critical if what I’m wearing isn’t up to par or, worse, doesn’t match in color or style to what they think.

I discovered an affinity for women’s’ clothes a few years back.  At first I wore silky underwear and that became more and more feminine as I became more comfortable with the notion of wearing it until, finally, I have a full array of women’s clothes that look pretty good on me, even if I say so myself.  A further advantage is that I can wear many of Barbara’s clothes.

Barbara has a more difficult time with it than she lets on.  She found out about my proclivity about a year ago when I was trying on a pair of her panty hose and she accidentally saw me in them.  I admitted my situation to her and asked that she not be too awfully critical of me but try to understand and work with me to keep it in the mix and not let it overwhelm either of us.  She agreed.

There has been a lot of family therapy since then.  We have two daughters, one grown and on her own and the other at Wellesley College in her second year.  Both of them are have expressed little or no concern about me; the younger one even supports me in my cross dressing.  She refers to me as Mom.

To further complicate the situation, I am an accountant for one of the more prestigious firms in the city.  I have a low profile in that I don’t do a lot of client relationship kinds of things but do more of the “grunt” work behind the scenes to keep companies in favorable tax situations.  My recommendation are usually made to the client by one of the partners so there is little or no public exposure for me.  This plays nicely into my situation.

I did some research on the internet about cross dressing and the best explanation  I have follows:

“Russell O’Connor has always felt trapped between male and female, but he finds freedom in dressing as a woman.

What follows can be found on: http://www.rolereboot.org/life/details/2013-02-living-between-male-and-female 

The Door Way to Paradise (Haiku)

What's up about life?
Alcohol, weed, and opioides.
Looking for a door?

In the here and now
Is it all too much to bear
That we seek escape?

Walking the tight rope
Is more the analogy
Flirting with danger.

Going there and back
To the wilderness outside
A journey to hell.

Hunting the dragon.
Sometimes we slay the dragon,
Sometimes we get slain.

Going Out Now

I look at her, lying in her bed.
There's no discernible cause for alarm.

Blood sugar controlled,
Blood pressure in the normal to high range.
Respiration rate and oxygen levels enviable,
No indication of an illness.

Loved ones calling and caring.
Nurses and doctors doing their best..

Defiant, stubborn, to the end.
She can't say it but it becomes clear.
Is there a reason for going on?
I've known her a long time.

Dementia, her family suffers from it.
It is beginning now.

And she may not want to stay for it.

How You Dress (Haiku)

Dressing to incite
Then decrying the result
Just doesn't seem fair