I am standing
here before a full length mirror. I am addressing an imaginary audience for whom I have performed acts of Faith Healing. I am drunk and know that soon I'll be in the throes of death after a somewhat long
life of 68 years; the past 30 or so
years an alcoholic blur.
I must say
I never opened a performance, yes that’s what I called them, in a state of
inebriation but I drank as soon as I came off the stage and until I could no longer
stay awake. And so it has gone on for a long time. I had my reasons for it but even I am not sure of all of them.
My parents
were carnival people, they had several shticks over the years and retired into
oblivion after they wore out. I was part
of the act when I was little; then things began to change.
In one town,
we were there at the same time as a tent revival was going on, on the other
side of town. Our crowds were the same
people on different nights.
I went to
the revival and caught the spirit of it into my very soul. It was shortly after that when I did my first
laying on of hands. It was for one
of the carnival people who’d come down with some sort of malady.
Word of my
feat spread around the carny and it wasn’t long before I made my debut on a
platform during a revival meeting. I
left the carnival, and my parents, shortly after that and made it on my own
from donations given by appreciative people who were healed.
It wasn’t
long before I was my own headliner; the signs said, “The Fantastic Francis
Hardy. Faith Healer. One night only.”
The one night only allowed me to get out of
town before anything went wrong, if my healing wasn’t permanent; although, I
didn’t have to skedaddle very often. To
my own amazement, it worked almost all the time. And so it has gone on for more than thirty
years now.
The constant
moving around and lack of any sort of anchor in my life led me to turn to the
bottle for company; even after or because I began associating with my girlfriend
who later became my wife. We had a time
of it. She and I had some bitter words
for each other, then we’d get drunk and reset the relationship until the next
time.
There was a
third person in the company, Teddy the manager.
He was the advance man, the stage manager, and the business
manager. It was his effort that kept the
show moving through the country-side; schedules, locations, permits, signs, and
settling up afterwards. It was he that
dispelled doubts, even when the wife had hers.
The three of us did well, financially, and were bound together as if
with iron straps, like it or not.
My presence
here tonight is to set the record straight; to tell my story, my doubts, my
fears, and my apprehension of what I do.
I’m not sure I understand it any more or less than anyone in the
theater. I know that I am facing the
final curtain and I don’t want to leave without stating my case.
How do I
know I’m going to die? The same way I know
that what I do is for real; I just do.
And I want everyone here to understand me a little better.
I’ve been
putting my healing hands on people since I was very young. At first I didn’t question the results, they
were there for all to see and experience.
Later I began to wonder what enabled me, why me, was it me or was it
they who invoked some mysterious quality that they already had but didn’t know
it.
In the final
analysis it will be up to you, after hearing all sides, to decide about
me. And what we all know is that no
matter what you decide, it doesn’t make any difference. Those that were healed are healed; those that
believe, believe; and in 50 years or so, no one will ever mention me again. But I have to go knowing that others know that
I am not a fake, a charlatan, or simply a performer.
So…
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